A Heavy Day

I try to be as upbeat and positive as I can. Even when things in my own world aren’t going so great, I live and treat others as if all is ok for me. In short, I don't want to burden others with my burdens. How are you? Fine. All's good, and you? Fine. Smile. And, behind the curtains, I allow myself to say that things are not fine. But others don't need to know that. After all, fake it 'til you make it, right? 

With all the places my life's journey has taken me and all the opportunities I've had to experience and learn, life is good. Better than bad, sometimes good, and in moments, in the midst of the bad, it is still good. I guess, whatever life throws at me, somewhere in me I am convinced that I can find a way to make it through. There is and always will be hope. Even when the road is rough and the night is dark, there is always hope. The sun will rise again, won't it?

The thing is - we are all struggling these days. All throughout North America, Europe, Asia ... all over the world, times are hard. And no one who is feeling overwhelmed with their own stuff needs to hear another who overwhelmed, as well. People are generally pretty self-obsessed and actually have a hard time truly listening to another, without insertions of their own struggles and difficulties. People, generally, have the mindset of making anything primarily about themselves. (Something else to write about another day!) So, I listen to theirs, I give them space, and keep mine to myself. I've often said, “We are all broken.” We are all struggling, we are all angry and damaged and confused in ways we know, and in many ways we are unaware of. We all have made mistakes, we have hurt others, we've been selfish. We grapple with what it means to live today. We wrestle with things in our mind. In our heart. Things we don't understand. We hear the problems in the world around us and wonder when will the sky fall on *me*. Wars on my doorstep. Economic collapse and catastrophe around me. A mess in the  Parliament. A mess in the White House. The latter is not my world, but sure saturates and inundates my world. Neither knows the other but they bleed into the same space. And the Powers really have no clue what is happening in the trenches. We are but pawns in this game of their making. They speak smooth words, convince us they have the answer ... and *we* believe in an ideology, a political party, a person - these are right. The others are wrong. These will protect *me*. These will help *me*. These will make this world a better place for *us*. But - those who oppose *me* ... are wrong. They are destroying democracy, destroying *my* world. Those who disagree attack *me*. So *I* attack them. And *I* hate them. *I* call them hateful, with mocking names - They are stupid and idiots and wrong. They are the destroyers. *I* am standing for what's right. *I* will not work together. *I* will not accept friends and family with different beliefs that deny people human rights; *I* will not ask to clarify; *I* will not be open for dialogue. *I* know already, and *I* don't need to find out any more, and nothing *you* say will change *my* mind. *I* am right and *you* are wrong. Delete.

[Inset: As I wrote this, I saw how I flipped between writing <I> as myself and *I* as the self. One is my thoughts, opinions, and responses as my own person, and the other is the external *I*, the devil's advocate who watches how close and how distanced each is from the other. So, when the writing is from the other *I* about the other *you* (not targeting or pointing to <you> the reader, but *you* who is outside *I*), the pronouns will be encased with * *, so you know I am not attacking you.  I hope that makes sense. For, am I the *I* or am I the *you*? That is for me to examine in the mirror. I hope that as you read this, exactly what my struggles are become more real for you. For I hold no anger or animosity towards you. We are both on the battlefield. But, just maybe, I can nudge you to a new point of reflection on yourself? Or nudge myself to a new point, too. Who knows.] 

I remember watching the movie All Quiet On The Western Front a number of years ago. There is a scene where the leaders of all the nations at war with each other are negotiating, attempting to find a way to end the war. And, as negotiations drag on and nothing is settled, the people on the battlefield are being killed. While leaders sit at their cushy chairs in a luxury coach on a train, hemming and hawing over this or that, having delicacies served to them on silver platters, people on the battlefield are being killed. One wants this to be, while another wants that, but won't give in to this; hours and days and months go by, and people on the battlefield are being killed. In frustration, a character mutters, “All that’s left separating us from an armistice is false pride.” Because of that false pride, nothing is finalized. And hours tick on. And people on the battlefield are being killed. In the end, no nation gained or lost anything they set out to achieve. The national borders are right where they were before the war. And, after 4 years, 22 million people were killed. For nothing. There was no winner and everyone lost. 

That’s what I feel is going on now. The elites, the "leaders", the influencers, the wealthy, and those who embrace power are making war while we are on the battlefield. 

People in their ivory towers are playing God, thinking they know better and best, telling *me* what *I* can and cannot say, what *I* can and cannot believe, what *I* can and cannot do … and people on the ground are being killed. Their hope is dying, their positivity is dying, their dreams are dying. Their health and wellness and all they looked forward to is dying. Their belief and trust and faith and love in and for their neighbour ... all are dying. Their homes and lives and potential are dying. And the people in their ivory towers don’t know, don’t empathize, don’t care. Because they are right. They want what is right, as they see it. They say the right words, but do nothing. All they care about is their false pride. All they care about is looking good. What they claim to be right results in the killing of the people. But they spout their arrogant diatribes, attacking the other and holding up their fist in power of the righteous. They don't understand at all what those on the battlefield are living. And what they are losing. And that they are losing. They have no care for *them*, because it's only about *us*.

I was subbing today. And as I sat at the desk, looking over each student, watching as they interacted with others, or engaged in the assignment, I wondered. I watched how they treated each other, how they treated the teacher. One left to go to the washroom and walked right in front of the teacher as she was talking to the class. As I walked by another, with a quick flick of his finger, what was on his screen was instantly replaced with what his assignment was. How much did they know of what was going on around them? How much did they think about it? Inside that classroom? That school? Inside our nation? or our world? How much did I know about their world? Was I as oblivious to the world around me when I was their age? Only interested in what was immediate gratification for me? Was I as disrespectful and dismissive to adults or authority or peers as many are now? Did I think I knew it all and blamed the system for my horrible life? Did I ever ponder what my parents struggled with? I look over all these students, and I wonder what their lives are like now. Do I know what they struggle with? And wonder what the world will be like for them when they are 20 years old. Or 30. Or 50. If I look back: 20 years ago was 2005; 30 years ago? 1995. 50 years? 1975. 1975. Vivid memories rush back from all years. In 1975, I was in junior high. The age of these kids before me. Do I remember the Vietnam War? Vaguely. It wasn't my war, but I did know about it. Do I remember Margaret Thatcher? Yes - "the Iron Lady". And popular songs on the radio: "Love Will Keep Us Together" and "Why Can't We Be Friends" and David Bowie's "Fame" and Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" were all big tunes. We had good music then. I remember hearing about this crazy thing called Woodstock, and about "free love" and "civil rights" and music that I didn't quite understand. There was a second wave of feminism, a call for equal women's rights, a shift for women to have their own credit card and own their property without a male signatory. I do know I respected those older than me. I didn't understand about the chasm between men and women, but I sensed it. I knew my single, unmarried aunt was different, and I admired her for it. I do know I was curious, but quiet. I knew there was change going on around me. But, I feel - the change going on around our students today ... doesn't hold a candle. God help them when they reach 20. 30. 50. 

But from then to now, the change is almost incomprehensible. It pains me to say: and not for the better. At the same time, I believe people are still good. As a group, I think we are on a collective, dark path. As individuals, still people - broken, in so much pain. Angry. Lost. Obvious to so much. ALL of them. ALL of us. And that includes me. But we still have the same longings. Those have not changed: To be loved. To be in community. To be healthy. To have dreams. To live a better life. To hold on to hope. Somewhere over the rainbow ... 

I'm a both/and kind of person, not an either/or. My world is about nuance and all; not black or white. I respect all people, not just those who open the door for me. I find faults with communism, and I’m for community. I find faults with capitalism, and I believe that work brings reward. I find faults in equal pay and handouts for all, and I support providing help for all who need it. I find faults with colonization, and I’m for progress of civilization and common ground. I’m against labelling in ALL its forms, and I’m for the intersectionality and the subtly of each individual where there are unending differences and at the same time commonalities for all. I’m against playing God and contributing to the “stupidity”^ of the world, and I’m for knowing what is immutable across time, person, and state. I can actually think of some people who I might support denying them certain human rights, but unless you are curious and ask, you will almost certainly come to a very horrendously wrong conclusion; and I am for equality, encompassing all, without exception. I’m for BOTH knowing and questioning. I’m for BOTH truth and Truth. I'm for BOTH humility and confidence. I'm against things and for things on each side. Nothing is black or white for me. What is absolute and what is flexible? Where both are ok? Where both are detrimental? And yet, in reality “seek to understand” is no longer the path we collectively journey down, as the path we actually seem to be on is more focused on “seek to destroy.” Because *I* am right and *you* are wrong. Maybe in a way, I believe everything holds, simultaneously, at best and worst, at least both a nugget of truth and a speck of falsehood. 

[My heart is heavy - quantum thinking is simultaneously my superpower and my personal nightmare. I have mentioned quantum thinking before, but will address it more thoroughly later. Simply - it is to see the good in all sides of an issue while, at the same time, also seeing the bad in all sides, and all the variations in between. The goal is to then bring all the good together and leave the bad behind to envision and create a new good that is a win-win for all. I rarely get offended with statements from others; I see statements as opinions. Difficulty comes when I ask questions ... more and more, things often don't go well after that. I don't get upset, but it sure upsets the other. And then ... I become the enemy.] 

No one thinks they are the bad one, the protagonist. Everyone is either virtuous and righteous or a victim. No one thinks of themselves as the evil one, the one causing or contributing to the problems in the situation. The thing is, biologically, we are wired to prefer people like us. It's how we were created, for our safety and survival. If *you* can identify “the other”, the “out-group”, “the enemy”, it makes it easier to dehumanize them and destroy them because *your* brain is telling *you*: “I’m in danger, I have to protect myself. This is the enemy. I have to destroy it.” It's neurologically what's going on inside all of us. 

But, there is also cognitive dissonance reduction in play. People want to see themselves as good and smart. (Not to mention, the Dunning-Kruger effect, where we think we're smarter than we actually are ... but for another time.) So when people are thinking or saying or doing something that might not be that ‘good’ or might not be that ‘smart’, they have a very hard time recognizing that what they’ve just thought, said, or done doesn’t define them. Occasionally, they might be able to write it off as a bad day, but this is rarely extended to the other. They are convinced it does define them, so to ensure they maintain their self-righteous confidence, they start to distort reality. More and more people are finding it impossible to handle their errors, that it might actually be their error in thinking, so they start distorting reality, so they don’t have to face the reality of what they’ve actually done, so they can maintain their mindset that they are right. Or what they've approved with their behaviour or lack thereof. This is manifest in a mental discomfort or tension that comes forth when a person holds two or more conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes, and when their behaviour doesn't match the heart of these beliefs or values. So when a person conflicts with an *other*, the person rarely sees from an external, distanced, objective point, and only from the internal personal one. 

And, then - something happens. A person is now no longer able to contemplate and turn over opinions or varied thoughts, but instead invests their whole identity into a person or belief or ideology. Who they are now is completely enmeshed in the ideology or political party (or against a group), or in support of a person. This ideology or political party or person has been given the power to make all the decisions for the person; to decide for oneself would be to go against the identity, and that will not happen. Critical thinking towards the ideology or person or politics creates distress and sensitivity and trauma. That is a threat. So, when things come to light that not everything in that ideology or person or belief is in line with one's own values, or someone tries to engage in a conversation and point out that all might not be what it might seem like, the solution to removing this feeling is to distort reality. 

Now, take this a step further. Not only do people invest their entire identity into this ideology, and embrace the ideology or person or political group to tell them what to believe and how to treat others, but they take their belief in an ideology or politics or person to an extreme and over-identify with them. This is so much the explanation for our world - this comes to the point where, if someone disagrees with *your* beliefs or politics, it's not a difference of opinion but a danger-filled personal attack against *you*. A hate-filled attack. This is a 'them', and 'other', and *I* am in danger. *YOU* are attacking *ME*. It is personal; it is internalized to be a direct threat, an attack against *my* person, *my* safety, *my* wellbeing. At this point, all rational thought is gone. Left the building. And the lizard-brain kicks in. And vitriol comes out. And *I* am now completely justified in every action and attack, every disrespectful and verbally abusive word against *you*, because *I* have perceived *you* to give it first. *You* are the enemy, therefore *I* dehumanize *you*. (Not unlike groups throughout history have done to targeted people in order to justify their extermination.) A person might claim the label of being a Christian; yet, one has to wonder at their definition of that word. It's almost as if they've made God in their image, the faith is one of their making, and they have re-written the bible to support their theological ideology. Especially when all interaction with an *other* is full of verbal abuse of any kind. After all, *I* am the righteous and right one, so this is *my* stand against the evil one, the misguided, the stupid one, the idiot, the traitor, the enemy. *I* quote, "Love your neighbours as yourselves!" but *I* only love those who are like me, who believe like me, who embrace the same ideology as I do ... the others are dehumanized, non-persons, the threat, the enemy, and I am justified in my anger and my hate. They are not worthy of compassion. They are not worthy of respect. They are not "as myself." Delete. 

Today, one of the two main things that made my day heavy was --- No one sees that every - single - person is part of the problem. No one sees we have become what we hate. No one sees how we contribute to this every time we feel attacked and are threatened and lash out and take it personally. No one sees how, in their ethical stand, they are throwing fuel on the fire. No one sees how, when we 'correct' another, believe or respond in the conviction, that we are the righteous and virtuous, mocking or hating or belittling the 'other', that we have become the problem. No one sees how we have contributed to this, the role we have played in our collective reality, and are part of the problem, not the solution. For ALL of us. It's not about 'they' but about 'us'. ALL of us. 

As Nietzsche once said, "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby becomes a monster. And, if you gaze for long enough to the abyss, the abyss will gaze also into you." It is inevitable. Which is one reason why my day today is so heavy. The hatred towards the *other*, the righteous ideologues who are unable to see beyond their enmeshed absolute identity in whatever they cleave to, makes all conversations or suggestions about differences not only no longer an option, but it's also justification for dehumanizing destruction towards this threat and attack against *my* person. 

I have talked to many and asked, if "an other" was on the road, would *you* slow down or speed up? Would you stop to help or turn your head and pass by? Would a solution to this war be to remove 'them'? And often the response is ... what do you think might be the answer? Or, from another angle, I ask, 'How has this come about?', and the response is all finger-pointing to 'them'. Their fault. They did such and such. Completely oblivious to how *I* have contributed to it with *my* hate and attacks and dehumanization, *my* inability to listen and ask and be compassionate, *my* certainty of being right. To hell with relationship. No, *we* are here because of *them*. 

I remember hearing a speaker once ask - do you want to be right? or do you want to be in relationship? Many times throughout history, relationship was important for us. Vital for us. We survived because of the community. We truly understood that we were stronger together. But today, the almighty *I* has the power. Today .... the answer every time I've asked this, is, for almost everyone: *I* want to be right. *I* am right. It doesn't matter what *my* ideology or politics or person or beliefs are ... *I* am right. And fuck relationships ... especially with 'them'. *I* cancel them. They offend and disrespect and threaten *me*. They are dead to *me*. *I* pray for their crash, and *I* celebrate and rejoice when it comes. For it will come. For *I* am right. God is on *my* side, *I* am righteous. Dehumanize them. Destroy them. They are the threat and the danger. Delete.

Today is a heavy day. The media is full of the shit-show in the States with DT and his tariffs and threats and accusations, attacks on our sovereignty (as if we have a price-tag), with Canada and our chaos in parliament where there is no leadership, and every leader seems to be more interested in ‘what’s in it for them’ than how can our people be helped.  One leader who lived for the photo-ops, for looking good in the eyes of the public, who - instead of attempting to genuinely empathize with citizens of his nation, labeled 'them' with being full of hate, fringe extremists, of abusing and taking food from homeless, and being racist; many reports said this was false, but he gave no proof to his labels, and instead - froze their bank accounts, celebrated when they lost their jobs. Cancelled them, dehumanized them. 'They' are the problem; *I* am the righteous one. Another one with subversive comments, opaque stands, obfuscated and unclarified goals and plans, hiding important qualities, refusing to be transparent and truthful to the nation, and expecting things without working for them, choosing a photo-op instead of picking up the gauntlet ... with superficial and vacuous entreaties of "I’m here to help you live a better life!" while whispering under his breath for no one to hear, "I have no clue and don't care what it’s like to try to buy groceries but need the money for rent instead. I have never gone to Superstore and have never had to choose between bread or milk or eggs, because I cannot afford all three at once. My agenda is more important than the people of this country." And the attacks they aim at the other, why can they not just focus on what they will do, how they will solve the problem, instead spending so much time insulting, shredding, and dehumanizing the competition and their support? An actual comment from a leader in parliament: “I personally, as a mother and wife, look carefully at my credit card bill once a month, and last Sunday I said to the kids - You don’t need Disney+ anymore; let’s cancel the subscription. … I believe that I need to take the same approach to the federal government finances.” ... "Besides, the economy is doing well and Canadians are just in a bad mood." What?? WTF??? We solve our real-life and real-world problems by cancelling our Disney+ subscriptions?? Of course, managing a 450 billion dollar budget is the same as managing a household credit card when you're making $30,000/yr. Of course, all problems are solved when *I* cancel my Disney+ subscription. (And what if I don't have one?) The epitome of this smug, clueless, entitled, virtuous person made me want to scream. I'm not a temper-tantruming child, but wow - I'd like to let loose on her doorstep!! That is more than a mockery, more than a slap in the face. It’s like sitting in a luxury coach on a train with her tea and crumpets while people are being killed on the battlefield. (And the abyss stares into me.) 

What are we telling our kids? Teaching our kids? Modelling for our kids? What are we showing them about how they are to treat others? Authority? Themselves? The other? What's our goal? Compassion or superiority? Being in relationship or being right? 

Today is a heavy day. If the external anger in the world is overwhelming, then the internal pain is the icing on the cake. In addition to the above, the second thing I am struggling with is my own personal fight on that battlefield. With the abyss and the dragons. Even with the shitshow fireworks exploding around me, even with threats and fears and escalations of all things life-threatening, the weight is heavy inside. I am not ok. I have made mistakes. I've made poor choices. But that is not a reason to be punished. I feel in so many ways, anything I've worked for has become sand sifting through my fingers. The world is such that even what I have, I feel has no worth. Even what I can offer is not needed. I'm not yet old enough for that help but I'm too old to receive this help. I'm not poor enough for that, but the bit that I have is not enough for this. And, for support, there is no one. For help, nothing. People offer suggestions, and my hands are still empty. Everyone is in it for themselves, and I guess that makes sense with what our role models are showing us. I get it; at the same time, it puts me in a very difficult place. On my own battlefield. 

Today is heavy because the weight of my life in this moment is crippling me. I fear for my financial future, my autonomy is threatened, and I don't know where to turn; and in this world at this time, being at this state at this point in life is heading to being killed on the battlefield. A casualty of the war around me, making me one of them. And, truly, does one more really matter? 

Consider the following: I am being evicted. "There are many apartments to rent," I'm told. "We are putting money into affordable housing," my leaders say. Yes, there are apartments but the cost is as much or more than my month's salary. Those that I once could afford, that I could afford now, no longer exist. "We are going to build more affordable housing!" (but that's not for today, or this year, or ...) ... where the cost is out of reach of those that need housing to actually be affordable to them. You say 'affordable'???  ... to who?  Certainly not me! (They turned downtown empty office buildings into "affordable housing" - the rent? 3/4 of my monthly income. The thing is, if *you* have never lived like them, how do *you* know what they need? If *you* have never bought a loaf of bread, how do you know what it's like when *you* can't afford one? Oh right ... cancel your Disney+ subscription and *you* can now afford these things, right? Or be a single mom, I was told. Then *you* can get $650/month per kid. Have 3 kids and then you get almost $2000, and you're set. But this isn't me. This is something I made a conscious effort to ensure would never be my reality. A value of mine was to give any child I had a solid home, and that never became my reality. I chose a degree instead, and now, here I am, hands empty, on the battlefield ... alone. Or, some say, "Get another job." But - ageism is alive and well. I've tried, and every time come up empty handed. Maybe this is a way to (quietly) remove the elderly? MAID won't be needed; the battlefield will kill them instead. Dehumanize them. Destroy them. Remove them from all hope. The abyss will win and dragons are we all. 

In All’s Quiet On The Western Front - there is a line towards the end. A character says, “The stench will remain on us forever.” And now, too, when the future looks back on the leaders of today, I hope they -too- will be disgusted. Or maybe not. Maybe all of *us* will be removed. And only *they* will remain. Regardless, the "righteous" will survive, won't they? The "righteous" are always right. And everyone, in their own eyes, is righteous. 

Tomorrow, I'll pick up my socks, put on my big-girl panties, and enter into another day. I might lose this battle, but the war is not yet over. Besides, I tell myself, I know how the story ends. Help me be worthy of my suffering. And I will still smile at all and offer a compassionate listening ear wherever I can. I'm not giving in yet. 

^ I use the word "stupidity" as defined in the Theory or Philosophy of Stupidity. This does not mean lacking in intelligence; instead, it refers to a mindset that is maladaptive and often an oblivious and destructive behaviour characterized by a resistance to logic, facts, and reason, refusing any form of correction or curiosity because of the absolute certainty of being right. I will expound on that in another blog. <Ignorant> says, "I don't know and I realize I don't know but I am open to learning." <Stupid> and <stupidity> says, "I know already, and I don't need to learn anymore, and nothing you say will change my mind. You are the one wrong, not me." 

Reflection on Reality

Today, I am going to resist swinging from one extreme to the other. No catastrophizing today. Generally, I don't like to colour any one situation with any one colour, anyway - even though I tend to fall down that hole, especially during times of stress, anxiety, and a perceived lack of control. I do believe life is full of nuance, overlap, diversity, give and take, various hats, and responsibilities. Maybe that's why I resist being identified as a label more and more. No one label is who I am; stereotypes lead to misunderstanding and simplistic thinking. Yet, at the same time, I do believe knowing what your values are and knowing what is consistent and unchanging in your world is a good thing. We all need an anchor to attach our ship, or we run the risk of floundering in the middle of chaos, never landing and never growing. Metaphorically and for-really, "setting down roots" is a good thing. 

I've been doing some time interacting with counsellors, mostly young things with not much life experience. At the same time, I don't want to dismiss where anyone is or has been - even I was there at one time. After all, this is about the journey, is it not? I was responding to someone earlier today - how important it is to people that the one we go to for support has more than a passing knowledge on that which we need support. Something that is grounded and unchanging. My example was - it is important for me when I go to a cosmetic store (say, MAC or Sephora) that the make-up artist who is helping me is at least 45 years old. Over 50 would be nice. "They all have training on all skin types," I'm told. But let's be real - "training" on aging skin versus "having to do your own face of aging skin every day" hold definite differences. My skin was lovely when I was in my 20s, 30s, and even 40s were good. Now, at 60+? It's a nightmare!! I get why women my age and older just throw on moisturizer and go! 

So, what does this have to do with our reality today? good question. 

I might be a certain "maturity", but I don't fit many stereotypes of that age. I'm reading about "the patriarchy" and "misogyny" and I don't get where the vitriol is coming from. Blaming these two external things for the misery in one's life. I'm not saying that either of those words has no relevance in the world today, but I'm wondering where the relevance vs one's personal responsibility and control diverge? And don't get me wrong either - there is a definite 'nudge' towards a way of life that people perceived was better in the "past". However, I will come again and say there are those nuances again - yes, Part A, B, and C might have been better, but there are also Part D, E, and F that were not. (Families might have been 'stronger' but there were no dishwashers! Or Mom might have stayed home, but also she wasn't able to have her own bank account.) We have moved beyond parts D, E, and F into something much better - not perfect, but better. And to return to the "past" does a massive disservice to our growth to now. Nuances. Both/and. Not either/or. Why can't we have BOTH a strong family AND a dishwasher? 

I came across a word recently - quantum thinking. It means (as per Google AI): a way of thinking that considers all possible outcomes of a situation, even if they contradict our preconceived notions. It encourages us to embrace uncertainty, and to accept that truth doesn't always have to make sense. [Going to ignore wrestling with the meaning of the word 'truth' for now.] Quantum thinking challenges our assumptions, categories, and structures and invites us to embrace paradoxes, uncertainties, and ambiguities. It is not a simple concept. It nudges us to embrace critically questioning the validity of all information, breaking a concept apart into different points of view to construct a new solution. I also recently came across another thought that is part of this - The Theory of Stupidity. According to this (which plays out in many realms of life!), Stupidity is in direct opposition to Quantum Thinking. Stupidity is a mindset of certainty with no need to question, because the almighty "I" am right, whereas Quantum Thinking is the mindset of inquiry and at least senses there is more than that "I". Our world is full of Stupidity, of that I have no doubt. At the same time, understanding the difference between the two, it is crucial that I hold up a mirror regularly and check to see if I see that reflection of me in the mirror. 

How about I examine each of those at a later time? 

At this point - let's turn the flashlight on a few areas of the world around us now. (A) Canada, (B) USA, (C) the World. Honestly, you'd think that if Darwin was right, we wouldn't be going through the chaos that swirls around today! As humanity, we would have grown beyond it. But no - the pernicious creeping of dangerous corruption is strong. Maybe it's not as noticeable today because everyone thinks they are an expert, and no one can pull the wool over their eyes. Oh, Humanity, you are fascinating! And so off-the-rails! Your train is about to go off a cliff and the tracks are nowhere in sight! 

I wrote on my FB recently about control - how to let go of what I have no control over and manage what I have control over. And what is that which I control? How I respond to things. The things in my life - for the most part - I might be able to influence the outcome of a situation, but do I control that outcome? No. Too many variables. But inside me, how I respond to that incident, and those outcomes - THAT I do have complete control over. 

Tony Robbins had a free 3-day event last weekend. And that came up in his teachings. Not in those words (though the thought was the same) - State/Story/Strategy: people think that if they get the right Strategy, they will change their reality. But the fact is -- first, they have to change their State of mind before they examine their Story. What do they tell themselves about the self? And then - find the Strategy to change. A huge part of this is how we see an obstacle in life. Or an identity we tell ourselves over and over (I'm a failure, I'm too old, I don't have ...) - that negative Story needs to shift or we (inside) will always endeavour to maintain a balance, and the negativity will never leave. If I believe I'm a failure, then the internal me will seek to maintain that in reality, which reinforces that Story. So, what do I have control over, again? My response. And, by extension, my Story. I might be old - how can that help me? I might have lost - how can that help me now? what lesson? what strength? what wisdom? 

Back to Reality - Canada. I said in a previous entry that we're f*cked. And, I think, in part because of this all-or-nothing thinking. The hatred towards DT down south is strong - but, if you do a bit of quantum thinking, and look from the point of view that "life happens for you and not to you" (another Tony Robbins teaching), how could his presidency (which I truly have no control over) benefit me? Well, I am definitely getting a clear vision of what it means to be a Canadian. And, I am teaching it to my ESL students. I am determined to find a way to honour my fellow Canadians and support them wherever I can. I will persevere to impact whoever I can and be a positive influence in the world around me. I will pray for the leadership in the USA and Canada - that if things are going off the rails and those in power are becoming consumed with power for their own greed, to strengthen those that are about community and not self, who can influence the greed and power for the good of all. Not just the one. 

It almost sounds like I'm taking on socialist concepts! Or maybe, even Marxist or Communistic beliefs!! But, I don't think so - I do believe in working for progress, using individual gifts and abilities. I do believe that we are NOT equal, though as a human we are. Some are stronger, some have more business acumen, some know how to manage better and inspire better. We each have our own gifts; in that we are not equal. But as humanity, a person, like Shylock says - "If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die?" All people need the same to live. Air. Health. Love. Respect. Compassion. However, one thing that does not get enough credit is that we all, also, need community. We are a village. None of us have been created to live on an island. And, as that village gets bigger and bigger, problems arise. Is that good? I don't know. It makes it much easier to lose track of those on the peripheral, to have people fall through the cracks and no one notices. 

To be continued ... from my perspective, what is the reality for Canada today? What is the reality for the USA? for the world? and I know these are all a singular perspective - mine. But I will do my best to engage in Quantum Thinking as I reflect on these three areas and come to some kind of conclusion. 

A good time to stop for a bit. To regroup my thoughts. Where to go from here? Observations are good. 

Until the next time ...