Remembrance Day - What's the Point?

My father was in the reserves - Canadian Navy. He was raised in the Mennonite faith, and though he believed strongly in God and all that meant, he also had a problem with the faith of his people. One such problem was their stand on pacificism and the military. He believed that there are things we should believe in strongly enough to fight for - and if we don't, who will? And what might come of our freedoms if no one stands for them? 

I don't know when he joined the reserves, but this picture says that he was at the very least dating my mother when he was already in them; that would be in the late 1950s. The photo was taken at my grandparents; the dresser and bed are mine today. I know he sailed on the Canadian Great Lakes for training and was proud to be part of the Canadian Military. This was also one of the things that got him excommunicated from his people. (You know a person is serious when he takes action that has serious consequences for him and his future!)

Canada has a military history - we made honourable contributions to both the First and Second World Wars. We are known for establishing the UN Peacekeeping and have participating in many peacekeeping missions throughout the world. One such best-known endeavour was the painful story of Romeo D'Allaire during the Rwandan crisis. Sadly, Canada can no longer claim a strong military - funding and support have been slashed and marginalized until our military is now a joke. If something were to happen, either on home soil or abroad, we have little to save ourselves or others. 

What's happened to our world? On the one hand, we are on the brink of serious conflict (wars and rumours of wars is not just a quote from the Bible!), both internal and around the globe. Many nations overseas are simmering in violence already, not to mention the Ukrainian / Russia conflict that fills the news. On the other hand, there is a political ideology that is against the military, against the patriarchial, misogynistic systemic incorporation that the military holds, and as the winds of rhetoric shift, so does the value for our military change as well. And it's not like peace and compassion is their message, either! I'm baffled - solutions are not being presented; only more contributions to the problems. And the more anger weaves its destructive tendrils throughout the people and the culture, the more the path becomes one heading to violence. Heading to war. And what then? 

I do wish we could resolve conflict by sitting down and working through the differences. But that is not possible. Even between people that know each other, resolution through discussion is something no one practices or understands anymore. It takes something inside the human character, something akin to respect, to desire for solution, to a form of humility and willingness to compromise, that seems to be absent in many. It's easier to point fingers and say 'you're wrong!' and 'cancel him!' than it is to sit and find a solution that both can be happy with and move on. I think in my soul, I am a pacifist. I do not believe in violence. And yet, when up against someone who is determined to force a belief that is about control and a single path, then ... maybe it needs to be considered. Look at Hitler - he would not have been stopped by the suggestion to sit and discuss! The Night of Long Knives in Germany proves that! 

Today in Canada is Remembrance Day. This is a memorial day observed in Commonwealth member states since the end of the First World War to honour armed forces members who have died in the line of duty. Other nations have adopted a version of it for their country (USA - Veteran's Day), as well as the poppy for the universal symbol for remembrance, in part to Canadian John McRae and his poem, In Flander's Fields. Every so often, I hear rumblings about ending Remembrance Day recognition, about the dismantling of the military - because of the statement supporting "forgetting and moving forward", because of the systemic problems woven throughout the military today, because of ... ?? It is my opinion that if this were to happen, we would become like sitting ducks. With no one to protect us or protect the freedoms we hold dear, it's just a matter of time before ... before, you fill in the blank. Dystopian novels are full of what happens to people when something like this happens. They are the real prophets in our world. I wonder what our dystopian novelists are writing today? 

So, I honour the history of our military, I honour my father and all those who believe that our freedoms are worthy of protection, regardless of what it takes. Thank you for all you have done; thank you for what you are doing; thank you for the sacrifices you made and continue to make. 

Today, at the time just passed (11-11-11 at 11:00) I remember history and am full of gratitude. 

In Flander's Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow style
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below. 

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie, 
In Flanders fields. 

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands w throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high. 
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

• • 
    

Labels and Constructs - I am ... What am I???

 

How do you finish this sentence - "I am ..." ... I am what? I am who? How do you describe yourself? What label do you attach to yourself? Is there only one, or are there many? And what about others? do you see them through the eyes of a label you give to them? Are all Republicans one way? Are all Jewish people another? 

There was a time in my life when I saw myself only as one thing. And a failed thing at that. I was ... a teacher. Beyond that, I couldn't comprehend. It took many years and a few paths into strange places to realize I was so much more than one thing! That 'teacher' doesn't even begin to describe who I am! And now, I'm not even sure if 'teacher' is something I am ... or ever was... and that's ok. I was once paid for a job title of 'teacher,' but I know now that perhaps parts of that I rose to. And there are also a multitude of other things that I did that many other teachers don't do ... and that I am so much more than 'a teacher'. 

We live in a time where there are more labels than I care to count. And we are so very quick to attach labels - not only to ourselves but to others as well. We are ... empaths, POCs, we are white, they are supremacists, we are allies, we are gay - lesbian - transwomen - we are Christians, we are Republicans or Democrats or Liberals or Conservatives; I am fat, I am obese, I am anorexic, I am a she/her ... a they/them ... a he/they ... and now even bio-men are women and bio-women are men ... and no one wants to be CIS, and there are over a hundred pronouns we can choose from to label ourselves with ... not to mention, the ones we can create for ourselves. They are trans-phobes and colonizers and racists ... and then take all of these labels and put 'anti-' in front of them and you get a whole new list to use and attach to people ... I am .... they are ... and on and on and on the 'name-calling' goes. To what purpose? What good does it do to select a label and slap it on a person? Is this leading us to a solution? What solution is that? Division? Hatred? Me vs them? I'm right, and they're wrong? I am good, and they are evil? Somewhere, I once read - our bias makes us either the hero or the victim in the story, but we are never the villain. No one ever thinks that they are wrong. Always someone else, never me. No one can tell me I'm wrong. 

I went to see a movie this past weekend. The movie The Woman King. As far as movies go, entertainment-wise, it was good. I enjoyed it. It had an engaging plot, good acting, and great fight scenes. It was nice to have a predominantly female-cast, strong and kicking ass. But ... we now live in a world where one can see a movie, and all sorts of questions are raised ... how much of this was rewritten for a message? (a fair amount) If anyone can identify as a woman, I wonder how long before women-dominated films no longer have that distinction and anyone can be in those roles ... so struggles with 'moontime' no longer would be a thing, 'women's rights' that have been struggled with for so long no longer would hold that same message or need ... or solidarity. Could a transwoman play Emmeline Pankhurst with truth and honesty? How long before roles for biological women are bumped out and biological men as transwomen take those roles? Biological men as transwomen are already taking places of sports accolades in women's sports, as representatives for women in national assemblies, and many other places where biological women have fought for their rights for recognition for decades. I watched the film and wondered ... what about the transwomen? Are they offended that they were not represented in this movie? because it WAS a 'woman-power' film. And then .. another angle, from a different label ... I heard that those who were white and went to see this movie in the beginning days were labeled as racist because only BLACK people should see it when it first opened. Pardon me? So ... labeling is now the new form of segregation? Have we now created a new world of segregation? - not unity, not solidarity, but hatred and exclusion and reason for removal. To be 'cancelled'. I have heard people who are not-white speak on how much they hate white people. For all the horrible things they did. ... I remember when there was another label put there instead ... and how people spoke on their hatred for another group of people and their label and the horrible things these people did ... Jews. (And all the disgusting labels that went with that.) We now have disgusting labels that go with 'white' people, too. The hatred for Jews led down a path to annihilation, and it took a long time for people to realize how this hatred led to millions being killed without human consciousness ... how long before we begin down that path for white people? or another group of people that are deemed 'privileged'? We already have the disgusting labels ... 

Is that where we are going again? Is this the direction we are headed? Have we not learned from our past mistakes that we need to repeat them again? Are we so fractured and angry and hurt and wanting to lash out that we don't care where that will take us collectively so long as I, individually, get my time to rail against the system? or the person? spew my vitriol to you because YOU caused this? You (whatever label you want to insert here) are the reason I am like this and you (label) have to pay my anger with my hatred? 

Denzel Washington, an excellent actor and director, was asked a question about a film he directed - could not a white director have done this film? To which he replied: "It's not colour, it's culture. Stephen Spielberg did Schindler's List, Martin Scorcese did Goodfellas. Stephen Spielberg could direct Goodfellas, Scorcese probably could have done a good job with Schindler's List. But there are cultural differences. I know, you know, we all know (speaking to the blacks in the room) what it feels like when a hot comb hits our hair on a Sunday morning, what it smells like; that's a cultural difference, not just a colour difference." And that's the same with the culture of women. It's not just the makeup we put on or the heels we wear. It's who we are inside our skin and the history we share. 

Then ... there is the whole idea of 'construct' - What is a construct, you might ask? According to a few places on the internet: In philosophy, a construct is an object which is ideal, that is - an object of the mind or thoughts meaning that its existence may be said to depend on the subject's mind ... or an idea or theory containing various conceptual elements, typically one considered to be subjective and not based on empirical evidence. Or maybe another way - an idea created in man's mind for their purpose. It is not 'fact' but more 'opinion'. It is created for whatever they want to create it for ... and they put it forth as 'fact' and everyone must believe and agree. Many things in our world are actually constructs, concepts created by man - time, intelligence, fear, power ... and every one of those labels is a construct. Every. One. Of. Them. They are concepts we have made up to mean something ... and who knows, they might mean something else tomorrow. Race is a construct, once created to separate those who were 'superior' from those who were 'inferior'. Thank goodness, science no longer subscribes to that ... but you can bet your bottom dollar people still do!! 

Gender is another - what is gender? It is founded on "characteristics of men, women, girls, and boys that are socially constructed." But here's the thing - what is a man or a woman differs from culture to culture, from time to time? ... and to randomly think (in your mind) that you are now a 'woman'? ... well, isn't that just another construct YOU have created now? And the more these terms become fluid and no longer hold a common 'unpacking' (if you will), then communication and comprehension get hijacked. The thing about 'man' and 'woman' is either it is biology or it's not. It's either an adult XX or an adult XY. Yes, there are variations on that, but they are anomalies, not the norm. And the % they are in our society is minuscule. Yes, some frogs are 2-headed, but that is not the norm. And, if I'm not mistaken (and I might be), anomalies cannot reproduce their kind. In all species (I think there is an exception or two, but this is NOT the norm!), to propagate the species, you need two parts. One part is supplied by the male of the species, and one is supplied by the female. In every species, there is a name for the male and female of the species. For example, in the pig species, the male is the boar, and the female is the sow. In the horse species, the male is the stud, and the female is the mare. And on and on ... In the human species, what is the name for the male human? the female human? You got it - man and woman. 

But if you want to ignore science, then what is our constant? or standard? Because if it's not the biology as much as it is the traits that we associate with each, anything can change and we truly are a balloon in a tornado. For example, a 'man' is said to be strong and the leader ... the 'woman' is said to be nurturing and the home-maker. These are constructs we, in our Western society, have established. For good or bad. Other cultures and other times, the biological woman and man have different attributes associated with them. However ... (and here's where I wrestle) ... we now have made the terms 'man' and 'woman' fluid, that anyone can 'identify' with either/or ... neither or both. But what does 'identify' mean? That an XX is now a leader and strong? But can't you be that if you are XY? That's where I'm confused.  In part because the definition of them is no longer common among everyone. At least here, in the Western culture and current time (both of which are constructs in themselves!). 

I live with a tomcat. My tomcat (term for a male cat) sometimes behaves as if he were a lapdog. Sometimes, he identifies as a complaining, crotchety old person. Sometimes, he prances as if he's the queen of the castle. But, in the end, he is still a tomcat. He "identifies" as all sorts of things, but he never changes being a tomcat. 

In a way, it seems, we have regressed and 'identification' is now completely based on stereotypes. Not on anything else ... if one 'identifies' as one label, it's because they have taken the stereotype that they perceive and said 'this is me'. But ... doesn't biology go deeper? history go deeper? I don't "identify" as a woman; I am a woman. Pick any stereotype, and I'll vomit on it. Stereotypes are not a path to humanity and life. They are boxes and labels, and assuming things about that person because of a label that isn't constant anyway ... and each person is so much more than any box or label you can slap on them. Play with various ways of dressing if you want; change how you engage with the world. But stereotypes change and I, for one, want who I am to be anchored to something that not only has substance but also has longevity. 

Which brings me to this thought: the thing is ... there IS something that goes beyond construct, that those who were born and lived the experience of other women throughout time hold in common. There is a solidarity that we hold that ... though there might be women with masculine qualities, women who are old or young, women who wear make-up and those that don't, traits generally attributed to men in this current society or past, but those of us XX still have a common lived experience. If a woman sits with another woman from the 1200s and one from the 1800s and another from the 2000s, we have common experiences and struggles. And it's not about makeup or clothes or heels. It's not about crying or buying more than we have space for on our credit card. It's not about sleepovers or cosmetic parties. I would think that there would be something similar with XY - that in their lived experience, there is something beyond the label construct that draws them together, too. Looking back over history, over those cultures that were communally built and those that thrived, the community's strength came from cooperative roles. They knew their place in their society, and it was good. (I would be interested in seeking out those societies in history that were strong and bold and solid ... and what their characteristics were.) Their strength came from their society and what everyone contributed to the whole. 

But now ... now, all the balls are up in the air and ... dare I said it? ... there is a feeling of a breakdown of our society, a simmering implosion. Nothing is certain anymore. That which gave us 'strength' in the community - family, church, the home, the gatherings, and traditions - they are all being 'deconstructed', and not replaced with anything stronger or more beneficial to the whole. At least, not at this time. But, isn't that part of The Fourth Turning? That we are in a time of destabilization and chaos? That we will be torn down before we are re-built? And ... what if this has to do with a psychological problem? We have recently realized the effect of trauma on our psyche and mental wellness, from both our own experiences as well as those of our forefathers - there might be a chance, in the future, we will realize that this, too, is something from a mental psychological situation and not something to be accepted as 'normal', but something to be managed from a psychological standpoint. However, it is my guess that it will be after it has swathed a path of destruction through our culture and time. We are too far deep into it being before. And, if we are all part of the problem, no one has the strength to point the finger at themselves - remember: we are all either victims or heroes ... no one is the villain. So, we continue to create stories (constructs) in which we are innocent, we are not ill, we are all fine, and it is because of that *** (what label do you want to put here?) that there are problems. We will make sure we remain righteous and virtuous because the alternative is something that also has horrible labels for it. And that is surely not us. 

I am going to try to see what my life is like if I do my best to remove labels ... at least, in the sense of refusing to give labels to others and refusing to identify by one label or another. There are good things in some aspects of being labeled - when I go to the doctor, I want her to know that I am a woman and that, therefore, I am susceptible to 'women' illnesses so that I can be checked for those. If the label is grounded in science and for science, then it is better to use it than not. But if the label only serves to separate and isolate - either myself or others - then I choose not to use it. I choose to see all people as the human race. We each are unique in our own ways; no two people are the same ... even those who have the same skin colour have many differences between them. I want to respect those differences while loving them as fellow human beings. 

Like Shylock says in Merchant of Venice: "If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?" Yes, I know the quote goes on from there and makes a serious point to Antonio about what we teach to others, they learn and give back to us more than what they were taught ... which actually might also fit here. What we teach to others, by our behaviour .. is not lost in the abyss. It is learned and returned to us ... a hundred-fold. So, I wish to teach love for no other reason than because we share the same air; I wish to teach compassion for no other reason than because in caring for others, I care for myself; I wish to teach that each is more than any label or construct we can tag on someone. And if that is learned and returned to me a hundred-fold, then maybe others will learn it, too. And if not ... at least I've done what I think I can do to be part of the solution and not contribute to the problem. At least, as I see it. 

I am not a label - I do not fit in any one container. I am not the fulfillment of any one construct ... that you think you know and can nail to me. I desire to break from every one of them and become my own person, a mixture of many and not any one alone. Label if you will ... but that says more about YOU than it does about me. It's more about YOUR need to control than it is about who you think I am. So be it. If that is your choice, that is your choice. It is not mine. 

What am I? I am a human being; I live and laugh and cry. Cut me, and I bleed, too. I am a dreamer - of a world better than this one; I am a wisher - for people to seek solutions instead of contributing to problems. I am an adventurer - searching for ways to not only push personal boundaries but also to challenge myself and others, to see things through a different lens. I am a learner and an inquirer - I ask questions and then try to seek the answers. I am a reader and a creator - of words and thoughts and ideas. That is what I am. I am all of these at the same time, and sometimes more of some than the other. As I grow and become more, I also will be more. Life only stops when one has all the answers or gives up searching. Let that never be me! 

I'm sure I'll revisit this in time, as so much of it is swirling around in my head, and I desire to make sense of it, at least for me. (Not of which least is also the declining age-gap and eventual looming endangered species of humanity ... but for another time.) And how it fits in to what I claim to believe and the hills I would die on. It's about those values - what are they and how are they seen in how I live my life. More to come ... 

Until then ... Shalom. 

Endings and Beginnings

 

On October 4th, I gave myself the gift of going to see Michael Buble in concert. To say that it was amazing is an understatement. The quote I shared here (to the left) is something he said his grandfather used to say to him and something he has seen time and time again. And, I know, too, that they are good words to take to heart. I have gone back to them time and time again over the last few weeks, realizing that it seems that this entire year has been one curse after another ... and yet, woven throughout have been so many blessings. So many, I cannot count. 

This last September, I shared about the passing of my Aunt, and the funeral gathering. In less than a week after her burial, my Uncle took himself to the hospital and within days, he, too, had passed away. The family was in shock. We all were. He had survived 3 cancers (lung cancer, lymphoma, and leukemia) and had 2/3 of a lung removed as well as recovered from a very serious grain auger accident. He was a hard worker, he was a man of faith and integrity. And, it would seem that without his wife to give his life meaning, he just gave up. So, we all gathered again this last weekend to remember him and lay him to rest beside his wife in the family graveyard. This time, I traveled with cousins and stayed with cousins. This time, my brother was absent. This time, as full of sorrow as the time was, there were incredible blessings, too. Maybe more than last time. 

You see, it seems that this year has been full of one 'curse' after another for me - the job loss, the financial fears, the rent increase and subsequent decision to move, the move itself, the loss of independence, a few accidents thrown in (toenail loss and fainting/faceplant into a counter), the death of ... not one, not two, not even three ... but four people I know. Two relations, one work friend, and one mother of a good friend. And this year isn't over yet. I remember many years ago, at the funeral of another relative, an Uncle said - "They come and they go." At the time, I thought it was a heartless thing to say. Now, it seems to be more of a fact. That's how life goes - we come, and we go. There are beginnings and there are endings. There are curses and there are blessings. 

It would be so easy to go down the rabbit hole of the miseries in life. The pain, the loss. But, what would be the point? Would it change anything? Likely not. To grieve is good. To know that something that meant something to me is gone and I miss it, that there will be a hole in my life because of that is not a bad thing. To honour the memories I have of them and gratitude for the lessons and good times is good. To take those teachings and make my life better because they taught and showed me is definitely very good. To pause to grieve and mourn is necessary, and to find a way forward is also necessary. 

Maybe that's what this year is about - saying goodbye to what was. I know there were times when I truly thought that the time had come for me to let things go. Let go of the pain I've been going through these past years, let go of the wishes I've had to find a place close to my brother and long for the words of approval from him, let go of all the things I thought my life would be. Say goodbye, say thank you, and let go. And it seems that this year has brought more and more of that realization into my experience. Yet, at the same time, it has reminded me that when things are let go, a space is created ... for new beginnings. 

As I also mentioned, I just had my 59th birthday. One more year to 60. I can't believe I am that old! And yet, I am. Maybe that is what this time should be about - letting go, ending ... and starting again, beginning. What do I want to carry with me into the new chapter? What will I express my gratitude, set down and bury and say goodbye to? what new things will be birthed because there is now room? Like the song from Spamalot, "I'm not dead yet!" There are things yet to be lived and birthed, seen and become! 

The one big thing to take with me is family. Not in the way of my brother and his children, but in the way of those from whom I come. One of my favourite stories in the world is a story called Barrington Bunny by Martin Bell. In this story, Barrington is sad because he has no family at Christmas time. There are no other bunnies in the forest. But, the Great Wolf comes and reminds him that all the animals in the forest are his family. Even if they don't invite him to their Christmas party, they are still his family. And, that is my story as well. Though my brother is no longer in the picture, I still have relations, family. The story continues to describe how Barrington gives gifts to his forest family, "from a member of their family, no strings attached." In a way, it's not about what we get from family, but from what we give.  To them and to others. Humanity is my family, and even if I'm alone, I can still give. Perhaps these last weeks have reminded me that "all the animals in the forest are my family." And, there are many that I am connected to. It's not about the literal direct blood links, but about the bigger picture, the links through time - all of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. The struggles and sacrifices. But there are good things too - hard work, integrity, perseverance, staying true to the values you claim to live by. Life is not easy; no one said that it was supposed to be. In fact, what milktoasts we would all be if our life was easy! But, with people by your side - family - it feels like any difficulty is possible to get through and overcome. Family means you're not alone. And, these last months have reminded me of that - I am not alone. 

People often ask: what is the meaning of life? I might have an answer - community. Family. People to walk beside you and say 'you can do it' .. people to share how they have survived and to be the light to shine onto your path, so you can survive, too. And then, you too can shine the light for others, for others in your family. 

We are who we become from where we have come. Yes, the curse and difficulty of yesterday can become my blessing and strength today. Of that, I have no doubt. 

The indigenous people have a phrase they say, at the end of gatherings. It's used sort of like 'amen' or 'so be it' or 'it is'. Maybe a little like 'namaste' - the god in me recognizes the god in you. The expression is "All my relations." I spoke of it last writing. Here's what it says online about this phrase: "all my relations" means all. When a speaker makes this statement, it is meant as a recognition of the principles of harmony, unity, and equality. It's a way of saying you recognize your place in the universe and that you recognize the place of others and of other things in the realm of the real and the living." In my mind, now, I also acknowledge the history through which my people have come. Because of my journey over this last year and last months, because of these endings - I now have the beginning to know I am connected. What an amazing feeling!

All my relations! 

Juggling Life and All My Relations

I feel like this is my life right now. And, it's not altogether bad. Just a bit anxiety-creating. Since the last writing, I think almost my entire life has been turned into a juggling ball - nothing seems to be stable at this moment. And that's ok, too. Nothing like something to shake things up! Oh, the joy of being single and not having anyone else get upset with you for the choices you make. There can be a blessing in that! 

So, another week until my birthday - my 59th. And, in a lot of ways, I've never felt better ... it's been a long time since the ground beneath me has been unstable, but also a long time since I've felt this invigorated and optimistic about that unknown future. It's like the experience and lessons I've learned now are starting to come into play. And that is definitely a good thing! 

This last weekend, I had an experience I don't want to forget. Ever since the shit hit the fan with my brother all those years ago, I've been slowly coming to terms with the fact that I will likely live out my days as an Elder Orphan. That's not to say 'oh, woe is me', but there are things that need to be taken into account if that is my lot in life. And, I think I'm at the place in life where ... "ok, so be it. And, now, let's prepare for it and make the best of what is left for me." This weekend reminded me that I do have family. Well, I do have relations, anyway. 

In the indigenous community, they end everything with the statement, "All My Relations". And it always rang off for me, empty, vacant. I felt like 'they' were so far over 'there' and I am 'here' and rarely / never do our paths cross. This last weekend, there was a funeral - the wife of my uncle (mom's brother). I made the effort to go, to drive from Calgary to Russell, MB, and gather in support of my uncle and his kids, my cousins. And, it was good. It was really good. On Friday evening, I sat in a room where I knew about 40% of the people there, but I also knew that they were ALL my relations. ALL my relations. What a beautiful thing to be able to say and to truly feel it! 

I spent as much time as I could connecting to these relations, the ones that wanted to connect with me and it was wonderful. More than once I was pulled to tears, more than once I felt 'home'. In fact, I think I have also decided on a plan for when my life comes to an end. And, in that is a freedom as well. I have work to do - much work to do - but I have a direction to head. 

So, even though all my balls are still up in the air - my living surroundings, my possessions, my future plans, my financial stability, my goals and dreams, and all sorts of other things, I'm starting to feel the fog rise. I'm starting to experience a lightening, a path forward, even if it is only one step at a time! 

I guess the next question is: what to achieve between now and the end of the year? Where do I want to go in the next ... ??? 5 years? and what are the beginning steps to take now? Time to 'take it to the page' and set a clear direction. Time's ticking!